Language is a Concept: Kao-Face

by cybersensei | November 11, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: Kao-Face

Like many things in Japanese culture, coming to an understand of key social concepts and the significance of their meaning to the Japanese takes intention and awareness to fully understand.

One must say gaining an in-depth understanding of “kao” or “face”, and the gravity of protecting one’s face is of paramount importance to successfully interacting with the Japanese.

Always keep in mind, Japanese people tend towards being very sensitive to insults, slights, smears, and slurs of any kind, including many things Occidentals would usually ignore or simply disregard.

In the realm of protecting one’s name, reputation, and even more so one’s very honour, Occidentals usually seem to have very thick skin, while the Japanese often seem to have no protective skin whatsoever.

Reputation Is Everything

This cultural element apparently derived from the fact that until modern times (post-1945), generally speaking the Japanese were not allowed to express individualism or one’s own preferences, except in ways that were traditionally sanctioned by society, meaning doing only things Japanese society approved of, and only then when they were done in the accepted Japanese way.

Remember, these centuries old customs and protocols are ingrained societal conventions, which are woven into the fabric of Japanese society from the start of one’s life.

Historically, one of the few meaningful things the Japanese had going for them was their “kao”, which means one’s reputation.

So one can say that losing face for the Japanese creates extremely grave situation for both parties involved.

And one can see why protecting and defending the dignity and honour of one’s family is so very important in Japanese society.

In times past, when one’s face was trod upon one was not only officially or formally allowed to complain, they could in many situations get even, including officially sanctioned attempts to kill the offender.

One only needs to look to Japanese history for countless accounts of sleight and revenge.

Samurai Sleight and Revenge

For certain, kao and shame are inextricably intertwined into Japanese culture, and still play a significant role in Japanese life today.

When dealing with the Japanese, for whatever purpose, one must keep the important cultural protocol of kao firmly in mind.

When it is impossible to avoid saying or doing something that is very likely to smudge the face of a person, you can mitigate its effects by apologizing in advance, or quietly discuss some issue away from the group where the recipient will not feel a sense of shame or a lose of kao among one’s group.

Perhaps other societies around the world can take the importance of kao as an example, and leave out shaming others all together.

Even better yet, if it is necessary to say something, do so in a civil manner where, instead of tearing it down society while creating disharmony and lose of kao, one can building the society up and strive for harmony amongst the people, wherever one may live on our shared earth. Let the other person save face

Language is a Concept: Giri-Obligation

by cybersensei | October 28, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: Giri-Obligation

Understanding concept of “gi”, is to gain an understanding into the Japanese way.

All languages are a reflection of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual characteristics of the people who created them. One could say language is embedded into the speakers DNA.

In essence, all languages are social concepts.

The older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more expressions and terms it has that are embodied with cultural nuances which fundamentally control the attitudes and behaviour of the people.

Confucianism was infused into Japan early in its history, and Confucius philosophy exerted a profound influence on Japanese culture, and does so up until this very day.

Among the most important tenants of Confucius philosophy are the obligations children owe to their parents, the young owe to their elders, students owe to their teacher, and that all people owe to their superiors.

These obligations are natural and inherent. One is born into them as a result of one’s automatic relationship with ones parents, elders, teachers, bosses, in what is know as a “tate shakai”, which is defined as: a society in which vertical relationships are regarded as supremely important.

The natural obligations are mandated by number of powerful social, economic and political sanctions, resulting in them becoming so deeply embedded in the Japanese culture they were never called into question. You could almost say that adhering to these tenants is now burned into the DNA of the Japanese.

Interestingly, the most powerful of these sanctions is shame (understand about shame and being ostracized in Japanese society here).

Over time the Japanese became so sensitive about being shamed and avoiding shame became an overriding principle in their behavior; so powerful that many Japanese historically choose death, and often the death of their families as well, over shame.

These ancient set of obligations that Confucius prescribed for people have now diminished somewhat in modern day Japan, but they still hold strong roots in this society and one can see these protocols in place, both social and professional.

When dealing in Japanese society on any level one must always be cautious about putting you counterpart in a position where they would feel shame.

Moreover, one can have a deeper insight into the Japanese society, when one has a good understanding of giri, or obligation, and all that entails here in this complex and vertical society.

Responsibility and Obligation

Language is a Concept: San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.

by cybersensei | October 14, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.

Some of the Japanese social conventions took one much longer to internalize, and some of these lesson were really tough.

One would have never thought something as simple as not adding the honorific suffix san to someones first or last name could bring about such angst and unpleasant strife. Even if it was in the name of being “friendly”.

The age old custom of the Japanese attaching the honorific san to the first and/or last names of the people one addresses is perhaps one aspect of Japanese etiquette which may seem like trivial nonsense to some foreigners.

However, whatever foreigners think about this very important social convention is not relevant whatsoever.

What matters is to understand how absolutely imperative it is to tag the honorific suffix san to someone’s name, first or last.

This custom is so ingrained in Japanese culture it sometimes appears to have lost its original intent, which is to show respect.

However, not using san can definitely be interpreted as disrespectful if the individual being addressed is not a junior, a family member, or a friend, and if the situation is formal.

One must also be very careful when addressing relatives that are not in the immediate family.

One had an extremely unpleasant experience a long time ago when trying to be more “friendly” to an old uncle during a wedding party and not adding anything to his name. It was even all the more worse as I used his first name instead of the last name, doubling the intensity of the shame.

This turned out to be a major crisis of my former wife’s household and took a long time to fade away, but I can honestly say the permeate damage was done.

This left me in a quandary as to why something as seemingly benign as not adding san could cause such an uproar in this traditional farming family’s house.

Perhaps along with this old man’s vivid memories of the war planes flying overheard to firebomb Tokyo, this may have left him somewhat prejudice against this naive and palefaced honkey.

American War Planes Bombing Japan

Remember, omission of this important social protocol maybe be taken as sign of disrespectful of the Japanese and their culture, and nothing gets the Japanese’s dander up more than disrespect, perceived or otherwise.

Some foreigners often ask their coworkers who are more or less on equal footing to use their first names without adding the honorific suffix san, and some Japanese may do so in informal settings.

However, in most situations the Japanese will add san to a name as they just don’t feel right about not adding san.

Now after the passage of time, the reason for adhering to this particular important social conventions is now crystal clear.

Here is some sound advice to the dear reader in order for one not to appear as a savage who stinks of butter:

Add san to everyone’s name, until one is absolutely sure that not adding it will not end in tears for all involved.

San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.Explanation

Language is a Concept: Amae-Indulgent Love

by cybersensei | September 30, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: Amae-Indulgent Love

A deeper concept than “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine”, gaining an understanding into “amae”, is to gain an understanding into the Japanese way.

Languages are a reflection of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual characteristics of the people who created them.

One could say within languages there are social constructs embedded into the speakers DNA.

The Japanese language has an abundance of expressions and terms which embodied the Japanese cultural with nuances and one can see this reflected in the attitudes and behaviour of the Japanese.

Very early in Japanese history the concept of “amae” became a primary principal in the cultural and one of the fundamental foundations of where bonds of mutual trust are build into long, durable relationships.

Amae refers to being able to take advantage of other people in a cooperative spirit with the unstated commitment that they can do the same to you when the need arises

These are the unwritten codes and silent conventions which glue Japanese society together.

The principle of “amae”, which is derived from Shinto , takes precedent over egotistic feelings and the natural human instinct of selfishness. Indeed, there is no doubt in my mind that “amae” is designed to ensure society will function smoothly and efficiently.

Of course this is an idealized concept of the desired attitudes and behaviour of all human beings, and one that has been a key aspect of many religions and philosophies.

Here in Japan, amae has been harmonized perfectly with the precepts of Buddhism and Confucianism, and is an integral part of Japanese culture and one of the core tenants of humanity that Japanese society is based upon. (See: LANGUAGE IS A CONCEPT: WA-HARMONY)

Both the word “amae” and the concept it refers to are still very much a part of the cultural make up of the Japanese, and will always play a primary role on all relationships, particularly so in businesses and politics.

As one may have now guessed “amae” connotes more substantial implications into a relationship, rather than the much more pedestrian “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”.

Indeed “amae”, is a loom that weave the fabric of Japanese society, for which the reciprocity embodies in “amae” continues to play a critical part in our solid and harmonious society.

As one understands how to give and receive “amae” behaviour, one will have undoubtedly internalized a very valuable tool for when dealing with the Japanese.。

Bonus: Ask a Japanese person you know to explain “amae”, or to give a concrete example of “amae”, this will make for some meaningful discussion between you and your Japanese friends.

Japanese Girl With Question

Japanese Women On Husbands; Three Things

by cybersensei | June 24, 2020 | Blog, Language Study

Japanese Women On Husbands; Three Things

Having a mother who is a psychologist, I am always interested exploring human relationships.

Over the decades of living here, I have found several opportunities to discuss husband and wife dynamics with Japanese women.

We all know the stereotype of the typical salary man heading off on the very early train, only to come back home late in the night, a little inebriated after drinking sessions with his bosses, subordinates, colleagues, or clients.

Traditionally, the Japanese women were happy to be stay-at-home mothers, running the house, taking their children to their extracurricular activities, and visiting with their friends.

In Japan there is something know as “tanshin funin”, which roughly translates to “business bachelor”.

These salary-men are dispatched to different places through out Japan and to other countries through the globe.

I knew one excellent engineer who spent 15 years away from his home which was in the centre of Tokyo. He had been dispatched to various places around the world such as Brazil, Saudi Arabia, Indonesia, Mie prefecture, Ibaraki prefecture.

As his wife said, to him, “how are we going to properly educate our only daughter if we move around all the time?”

This is the dedication demanded by their companies and the built-in loyalty to these company which has these men living apart from their families months, and some time years at a time.

Alas for our excellent engineer, he missed out seeing his only beloved daughter growing up.

Husbands from the western world rarely work for long stretches away from their families, so I was very surprised to hear about his life as a “business bachelor”.

When I ask these housewives about how they feel about their husband they often say to me; “There are three things we Japanese women say about our husbands.”

1:Sodai Gomi: A large piece of garbage that’s hard to move.

Indicating when the husbands are at home, they tend to get in the way, and aren’t much use at household chores.

Sodai Gomi: A large piece of garbage that’s hard to move.

2:Nure Ochiba: A sticky leaf that cannot be swept away

The husband, after retirement, has no particular hobbies, so when his wife tries to go out, he always says, “I guess I will just tag along with you.”

Nure Ochiba: A sticky leaf that cannot be swept away

3: Teshu Genki De Rusu Ga Ii：A good husband is health and absent

This is a buzzword that became popular on a television commercial with several “obatarian” singing it loud and strong. One can not forget this jingle once heard. It is an accurate expression of the true feelings of Japanese housewives: make easy it easy to get money and make it easy for the husband to be absent.

Teshu Genki De Rusu Ga Ii：A good husband is health and absent

In earlier times, Japanese women depended on their husbands and respected them as the owners of their important household and the family breadwinners. However, recently there are many women who have claimed their own independence, and now these housewives are often in a good strong position.

If you have Japanese female friends, ask them what they think of their husbands. It’s interesting to know which of these three types best applies. Moreover, you can have an interesting conversation about the differences between the Western and Japanese marital relationships.

I Have Known You For Years, I Don’t Know Your Name

by cybersensei | May 27, 2020 | Blog, Language Study

I Have Known You For Years, I Don’t Know Your Name

I have a relationship with a subsidiary of a large corporation since 1992.

There was a gruff but kind engineer who had been with this company from its inception in 1970.

He called me “anchan” all the time, which I guess was an appropriate suffix for him to use in this ridged Japanese hierarchal system.

By the way, the suffix “chan”, is usually used as a term of endearment for female children, where as the suffix “kun” is use for male children.

However, you can use this with adults depending on the situation.

Using “chan” with an adult is kind of like teasing in a way, but not offensive in any sense of the word (unless you mean it in a derogatory way).

This case in particular, was showing a kind affection toward me a caucasian anomaly among the salaried factory workers.

I had meet with this man several times during social company events, and he alway called me “anchan”.

Then, the time came for him to retire, and when he came to meet me to say good bye, he said, and this is after 20 years of knowing him, “”hey anchan, what is your name?”.

Get this, he only knew me by “anchan” for the entire time we knew each other, and interestingly enough this was appropriate for our relationship.

He said “it was nice to have know you “anchan” and he actually never called me by my actual name, no, not even once.

Which brings me to the next point, and that is the significant importance of using the correct titles and suffix for people on all rungs of the Japanese hierarchical ladder.

For example, if someone is a professional, one would use the title “sensei”, which is always applied to school teachers, and is also used for doctors, lawyers, among other professions.

I have run into unintended problems by not using the correct title or suffix, or good gosh forbid, use someones name without adding any suffix onto the name at all.

Only in the case where one knows someone intimately, you could use their name without any suffix on it at all, and if you don’t add a suffix it is what is know as “yobisute”, which in most cases is a breach of this important Japanese social convention.

My suggestions is to play it safe and add “san” on to everyone’s name whether it is their first name or last name, until you understand their appropriate tile or suffix.

This will show you understand the Japanese hierarchical systems and are adhering to it.

I have personally gone through pain and suffering by at first resisting this unfamiliar protocol, and trying to be “friendly” with the Japanese.

Trust me, adding “san” on to someones name will make one look like a thoughtful and caring foreigner while you visit, stay or live here, in the Land Of The Rising Son.