Language is a Concept: San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.

by cybersensei | October 14, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.

Some of the Japanese social conventions took one much longer to internalize, and some of these lesson were really tough.

One would have never thought something as simple as not adding the honorific suffix san to someones first or last name could bring about such angst and unpleasant strife. Even if it was in the name of being “friendly”.

The age old custom of the Japanese attaching the honorific san to the first and/or last names of the people one addresses is perhaps one aspect of Japanese etiquette which may seem like trivial nonsense to some foreigners.

However, whatever foreigners think about this very important social convention is not relevant whatsoever.

What matters is to understand how absolutely imperative it is to tag the honorific suffix san to someone’s name, first or last.

This custom is so ingrained in Japanese culture it sometimes appears to have lost its original intent, which is to show respect.

However, not using san can definitely be interpreted as disrespectful if the individual being addressed is not a junior, a family member, or a friend, and if the situation is formal.

One must also be very careful when addressing relatives that are not in the immediate family.

One had an extremely unpleasant experience a long time ago when trying to be more “friendly” to an old uncle during a wedding party and not adding anything to his name. It was even all the more worse as I used his first name instead of the last name, doubling the intensity of the shame.

This turned out to be a major crisis of my former wife’s household and took a long time to fade away, but I can honestly say the permeate damage was done.

This left me in a quandary as to why something as seemingly benign as not adding san could cause such an uproar in this traditional farming family’s house.

Perhaps along with this old man’s vivid memories of the war planes flying overheard to firebomb Tokyo, this may have left him somewhat prejudice against this naive and palefaced honkey.

American War Planes Bombing Japan

Remember, omission of this important social protocol maybe be taken as sign of disrespectful of the Japanese and their culture, and nothing gets the Japanese’s dander up more than disrespect, perceived or otherwise.

Some foreigners often ask their coworkers who are more or less on equal footing to use their first names without adding the honorific suffix san, and some Japanese may do so in informal settings.

However, in most situations the Japanese will add san to a name as they just don’t feel right about not adding san.

Now after the passage of time, the reason for adhering to this particular important social conventions is now crystal clear.

Here is some sound advice to the dear reader in order for one not to appear as a savage who stinks of butter:

Add san to everyone’s name, until one is absolutely sure that not adding it will not end in tears for all involved.

San-Mr. Mrs. Ms.Explanation

The Mask

by cybersensei | October 7, 2020 | Blog, Culture

The Mask

When observing the first winter flu season in Japan, one was quite taken aback by people wearing what looked like white surgical masks, and thought to oneself; wow, there are lots of doctors and nurses out and about today.

Inquiring to a Japanese friend as to why there were citizens wearing masks, they replied, “In this season, if you are feeling even a little unwell, you cover your face with a mask so as not to give something unwanted to anyone else”.

Well isn’t that so very nice and indeed courteous of the Japanese to think in this deferential way toward their fellow citizen.

Japanese Bowing To Each Other

Even so, truthfully, one still thought this custom was a little weird even after the explanation.

However, soon after that one then though, well this makes sense.

If feeling unwell, should one not venture out into the crowds, and believe me, there are some large crowds pulsing through the metropolises of Japan, as all have been on, or seen footage of the packed trains in morning rush hour.

pushing passengers on to rush hour train tokyo

Anyway, now with the new health challenges facing us globally, the Japanese are wearing masks out of season, but this time, it is almost everyone, and it was clearly not an issue for most in Japan.

First of all, in keeping with the constitution written by the American occupiers, the wearing of face mask could not be mandated by the Japanese government anyway.

There was however, a “request” from the powers that be where all Japanese should wear masks due to this new health situation.

Thus, most of the Japanese do so, without giving it a second thought.

However, as in all societies, there are those who for some reason or another choose to stand out, in Japan, the proverbial “nail that sticks up”.

Now here is an important cultural note for the dear reader, which points out the difference between the Japanese mindset, and the mindset of the occidentals.

Japanese: The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.

Hammer And Nails

Occidental: The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

SqueakyWheel

One of the little rebellious nails decided to stick his silly little head up by refusing to wear a mask on a domestic flight (mandated by the airline), and caused an unnecessary commotion on the airplane, where he was escorted off and arrested.

Perhaps what this somewhat dull Japanese citizen did not realize, is beside the financial penalty, and the inconvenience of not getting to where he was going, he may very well also face one of the most dreaded things in the Japanese society:

Mura hachi bu (村八分) or, becoming an ostracized outcast.

Whoops!

Historically, this is one of the worst things that could ever happen to a Japanese person. One who brings shame or breaches unwritten social conventions are treated with contempt and disdain.

I would suggest that such an incident as this would have a negative effect on work relations as well as within his family.

Nothing could really be worse than to bring shame to one’s family or employer, with such poor and anti-social behavior, especially when you are causing meiwaku (disturbing others) to an airplane full of other people.

One believes in any society, unless you’re a psychopath, one would not want to be ostracize.

In Japan as a stoic type of people who valued stability and adherence to social conventions, becoming mura hachi bu is swift and harsh.

Is there room for atonement to bring this pesky little nail who has been hammered down so as to have a meaningful hansei and then being brought back into the fold?

Of course there is.

However, keep in mind these newsworthy societal transgressions, even though forgiven, are not forgotten, and will hang around this stupid and inconsiderate boy’s head as a dark halo of shame far, far into the future.

I am certainly glad the most Japanese really don’t see wearing a mask as a freedom issue, but as a societal courteous to maintain social cohesion on our shared islands.

Update 2021-01-22
As pointed out in this blog post, this kind of anti-social behavior in Japan follows one around like a necklace of shame for all to see.

Read about the pesky little nail being arrested 4 months after the fact here.

An anti-mask advocate, the saga of this pesky little nail, Junya Okuno continues here.

反省会

Language is a Concept: Amae-Indulgent Love

by cybersensei | September 30, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Language Study

Language is a Concept: Amae-Indulgent Love

A deeper concept than “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine”, gaining an understanding into “amae”, is to gain an understanding into the Japanese way.

Languages are a reflection of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual characteristics of the people who created them.

One could say within languages there are social constructs embedded into the speakers DNA.

The Japanese language has an abundance of expressions and terms which embodied the Japanese cultural with nuances and one can see this reflected in the attitudes and behaviour of the Japanese.

Very early in Japanese history the concept of “amae” became a primary principal in the cultural and one of the fundamental foundations of where bonds of mutual trust are build into long, durable relationships.

Amae refers to being able to take advantage of other people in a cooperative spirit with the unstated commitment that they can do the same to you when the need arises

These are the unwritten codes and silent conventions which glue Japanese society together.

The principle of “amae”, which is derived from Shinto , takes precedent over egotistic feelings and the natural human instinct of selfishness. Indeed, there is no doubt in my mind that “amae” is designed to ensure society will function smoothly and efficiently.

Of course this is an idealized concept of the desired attitudes and behaviour of all human beings, and one that has been a key aspect of many religions and philosophies.

Here in Japan, amae has been harmonized perfectly with the precepts of Buddhism and Confucianism, and is an integral part of Japanese culture and one of the core tenants of humanity that Japanese society is based upon. (See: LANGUAGE IS A CONCEPT: WA-HARMONY)

Both the word “amae” and the concept it refers to are still very much a part of the cultural make up of the Japanese, and will always play a primary role on all relationships, particularly so in businesses and politics.

As one may have now guessed “amae” connotes more substantial implications into a relationship, rather than the much more pedestrian “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”.

Indeed “amae”, is a loom that weave the fabric of Japanese society, for which the reciprocity embodies in “amae” continues to play a critical part in our solid and harmonious society.

As one understands how to give and receive “amae” behaviour, one will have undoubtedly internalized a very valuable tool for when dealing with the Japanese.。

Bonus: Ask a Japanese person you know to explain “amae”, or to give a concrete example of “amae”, this will make for some meaningful discussion between you and your Japanese friends.

Japanese Girl With Question

Why Ancestor Worship?

by cybersensei | September 23, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Shinto

Why Ancestor Worship?

What does it actually mean to worship one’s ancestors?

First of all, there are different ideas about the word “worship” and what it encompasses in a “religious” context.

The preferred word veneration can be translated nicely into Japanese as sonkei (尊敬), which is more, “down-to-earth.”

While thinking about the Japanese society, and the social conventions to which the Japanese adhere, one came to the realization that venerating the ancestor, along with the Sun is the best way to express gratitude toward our world and what it gives us.

By the way, Amaterasu Oomikami is the Japanese Sun Goddess.

Blazing Sun Upon Japan - Land Of The Rising Son

This notion of expressing gratitude to those who came before and the life giving energy of the Sun embodies a sense of unity with all people of the world, for we all share the Sun and each has ancestors.

One has very fond memories of one particular ancestor—maternal grandfather.

Grandfather Richardson - Yukiko Akimoto -Land Of The Rising Son

As a child he had tuberculosis and was cared for in a small room for a year where ones Really Great Grandmother and Great Grandfather were simply waiting to see if he lived or died.

Helen Otta Kean -Inglis-Richardson- Stephen Kean Filiatrault Great Grandmother

Fortunately for my mom and I, he lived (Dad is happy about this as well).

It was during this time in sickness where he read 100s of books which left him a very well read and enlightened man.

One’s heart fills with fondness when recalling the time spent together with grandfather and his spirit being manifested.

This leaves feeling the spirit of grandfather as partially residing in the material world.

One could say—once the last of the people directly touch by this extraordinary man pass away, this spirit of grandfather will also fade away.

Even if this may be so, the spirits of the ancestors lives on in our alter along with all relatives who have already crossed the SANZU NO KAWA into the afterlife. Mitsunobu_Sanzu_River

Here in Japan, ancestors are remembered on specific holidays.

For example, the Autumn Equinox (Shūbun no Hi), usually occurring on September 22 or 23.

On this day, people will reconnect with their families by tending to the graves of ancestors, and visiting shrines and temples.

WorshipingDuringObon

Pragmatically so, the Japanese believe all virtue and frailty of being human are natural, and look upon all of the dearly departed as some kind of Gods, representing the entire spectrum of the human experience.

One finds the inclusiveness of this way of thinking rather refreshing, and indeed to be a much more practical way to think about and live one’s own life.

Looking at ancestor veneration from a different lens, one also likes to celebrate present relatives who will one day become “ancestors.”

As when taking the in-laws on an overnight trip, and saying to the cherished and beloved mother-in-law.

“I believe we should also venerate our ancestor while still here on earth, so you also can celebrate this wonderful world you have sacrificed for your descendants while ya’ll are still here.”

She had a good laugh and concurred with these sentiments.

Why not take some of one’s precious time now, and give thanks to our shared Sun Goddess while venerate one’s own ancestors, both living and dead, and let them know.

Kokoro yori kansha moshi agemasu

Izanagi-Izanami

Language is a Concept: Wa-Harmony

by cybersensei | September 16, 2020 | Blog, Culture, Inspiration

Language is a Concept: Wa-Harmony

Language is a concept: Wa-Harmony

Understanding concept of “wa”, is to gain an understanding into the Japanese way.

All languages are a reflection of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual characteristics of the people who created them. One could say language is embedded into the speakers DNA.

In essence, all languages are social concepts.

The older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more expressions and terms it has that are embodied with cultural nuances which fundamentally control the attitudes and behaviour of the people.

The word “wa” (和) or harmony expresses an essential Shinto concept of harmony between humans, nature, and all things within nature.

This is what the Chinese called Japan long before the emergence of Japan as a unified country.

In the seventh century, Japan’s reigning imperial regent issued a series of edicts that can be though of as Japan’s first “constitution”. The first of these proclamations was that “wa” was to be the foundation of Japanese society.

While “wa” has traditionally been translated to English as “harmony”, it had a much deeper and indeed more profound meaning in the Japanese context.

In short, it means not doing anything that causes friction or upsets people or nature. On the other hand, it encourages actively doing things that ensure and sustain peaceful, cooperative, and harmonious relationships.

In other words, “wa” means “Japanese style” harmony, not harmony in the western English sense of the word.

As is often the case with Japanese specific cultural words, there really is no translation.

One has to understand “wa” by feeling it in the air and in the ether of Japan.

During the 1960s and 70s Japan’s economy “wa”s growing in to the second largest economy in the world, and the Japanese attributed their amazing growth to the existence of “wa” in business, government, the education system, and throughout society.

Furthermore, all of Japan’s traditional arts and crafts, etiquette, formal speech, cultural practices, and so on, are infused with the essence of “wa” or, of Japanese style harmony.

When one comes to understands “wa”, one can gain a much more meaningful experience, when visiting the Land Of The Rising Son.

And based upon one’s deeper understanding of “wa”, one can then see different layers in the Japanese society with the all important social construct of “wa”, in so many aspects of the Japanese life.

Ask anyone who has been to Japan what they found intriguing and perhaps a little mysterious about Japan, and they will inevitable answer; the Japanese seem to have a harmonious and peaceful society, with polite and courteous people.

This is “wa”.

Wa-Harmony

Chopsticks and Fork

by cybersensei | August 26, 2020 | Blog, Culture

Chopsticks and Fork

The Chopsticks And The Fork

When looking at the difference between occidental and Japanese eating style, I am always struck by the contrast.

Picture a participant using knife and fork with the quivering and seared flesh firmly pinned down by the fork, the participant then saws off a large hunk of meat, raises the trident-like utensil, and then forks the flesh into the participants gapping maw.

SteakWithFork

On the other hand, in Japanese style dinning, the meat is already portioned into bite sized pieces. One takes the chopsticks, chose the perfect morsel, elegantly pinches the food and then flows it gracefully passed one’s lips. 刺身と箸

The concept around eating is fundamentally different between cultures and is reflected in the utensils, or lack there of, used to eat.

In the traditional occidental style, one has their entire meal on a plate and tend to be consumed over a short time period with the focus on consuming the meal as opposed to socializing.

In contrasts, the sense of community when taking meals is much more prevalent here in Japan. For example, when sharing a plate of raw fish, everyone picks from the same dish. Evening meals tend to be drawn out and the eating and drinking over a long period.

Chopsticks protocol plays an important role in the spiritual realm of the Japanese as well, in particular concerning dearly and recently departed relatives.

Make sure you observe these important chopstick protocols when you are in Japan. or in front of Japanese people anywhere, and you can avoid having them look upon you as a barbarian.

First of all, never take food directly from someone’s chopsticks to your own chopsticks.

This kind of chopstick action evokes an extremely solemn Buddhist funeral ceremony protocol, where the bereaved family gather around the recently cremated and dearly departed. The family gathers on either side over the skeletal remains of the newly cremated ancestor. At the head, there are two special sets of chopstick. The relatives then take turns two-by-two using the chopsticks to take a piece of the bone together and place it in the urn at the head of the deceased. ChopstickToChopstick

I observed the finishing where the bones were capped with the top of the skull and then pushed down making a scrunching sound. Grandfather’s glasses where then placed on top of that and the urn sealed and then wrapped up in a box with a neat bow.

The take away: Do not take any objects or food from another person chopstick directly.

Also, make sure not stand one’s chopsticks in a bowl of rice straight up.

When giving an incense stick to the recently departed, there is a special picture of the deceased, and a bowl of rice before them. There is a pair of chopsticks sticking straight up this bowl of rice. FuneralPictureFrame ChopsticksStickingStraightUpInRice

Make sure NOT do this when “resting” your chopsticks at your Japanese relatives house, or anywhere for that matter, for you will be looked upon as a vulgar savage who stinks of butter.

Always keep in mind pointing ones chopsticks at someone, or waving them around while talking is extremely poor etiquette, and should be avoided.

Imagine what it looks like if you were pointing at somebody with your knife and fork while talking?

I remember my father after coming back from Japan in 1969, he brought the family chopsticks and chopstick rests as a souvenir (My Fathers Hats Came Back To Japan Blog Here).

He told us, “I was taught how to hold and use chopsticks properly by the general manager of Datsun”.

He then showed us the proper way to use chopsticks: I have been using chopsticks since I was six. How-to-use-chopsticks

I get a chuckle when the Japanese complimenting me on my chopstick technique, that even after living here for over three decades, people still say to me, “oh my, your chopstick technique is very very excellent”, to which I bow my head slightly and reply, “and your fork technique is equally extraordinary”.

Learning proper chopstick technique and etiquette is highly recommended before visiting Japan, or anywhere in Asia, in fact where these versatile utensils may be used.

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